Previewing the 2024 college football season with haikus for every team

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I told myself one thing when I started this website just over three years ago: I will never write a long-form season preview.

I love college football and spend an ungodly amount of time consuming content about it each offseason, but I simply have no interest in pretending to you or myself that I can give you even 500 coherent words on every team - especially in the portal era. I'm not an insider, I'm not at practices, and I'm not aggressively searching for new info on teams every day. There are plenty of people out there who have been crushing it with those kind of previews –Shoutout to Meet at Midfield, Kyron Samuels, and ESPN's Bill Connelly– but it's just something you'll never see on this site.

But even I knew I couldn't run a college football website and not do some sort of season preview. Somewhere along the way, the idea to write haikus for every team came to life. It was popular enough that I brought it back last year, and now it's time for the three-peat. We've made it through another off-season, and I can't wait to see what the 2024 season has in store for us. Enjoy.

Air Force

Everyone is gone
But I don't doubt Troy Calhoun
Will find way to bowl

Akron

Transfers and JUCOs
Offense has to do their part
Fierce defensively

Alabama

Nick's reign is over
They aren't going anywhere
Deboer is for real

Appalachian State

A playoff sleeper
Their schedule sets up for it
They might beat Dabo

Arizona

Offense won't regress
Defense? Remains to be seen
Still a solid team

Arizona State

Roster still a mess
Are slowly getting better
Four wins, at the most

Arkansas

Sam Pittman survived
Won't be so lucky this year
Right next to Vandy

Arkansas State

I have to admit
I thought Butch was a goner
But they are potent

Army

Last season was weird
Offense is back to normal
My guess: they win eight

Auburn

Time for Hugh to win
Six games they should clearly take
Can they get three more?

Ball State

New coach next season
Improvement seems unlikely
Mike Neu did his best

Baylor

Think they will rebound
Aranda's seat? Scalding hot
Team has potential

Boise State

The bad man is gone
Best RB in conference
My Mountain West Champ

Boston College

Upgrade at head coach
An exciting quarterback
Can they get a stop?

Bowling Green

You win, Scot Loeffler
I have given up my quest
You may keep your job

Buffalo

This is a tough gig
Pete Lembo here for long haul
Steep climb on offense

BYU

A stinky run game
I just don't see it with them
Five wins once again

Cal

Jaydn Ott is back
The defense has to improve
Another six wins

Central Michigan

They have some players
Could be conference sleeper
Can Bert take the leap?

Charlotte

Feels same as last year
Will get beat up in game one
Don't see path to bowl

Cincinnati

Worst team in the league
Coach will not be there next year
Be gone with 'ye, Scott

Clemson

Dabo: "No portal!"
His team: Okay, more losses
Everyone: Haha

Coastal Carolina

Name: MATTHEW MCDOOM
Hate to give Tim Beck credit
So six wins it is

Colorado

Are you gonna cry?
Attention they get irks you?
Poor baby - Go Buffs

Colorado State

Head Coach won't shut up
Best player in conference
They will go bowling

Duke

You know he's here, right?
Trenches might be a question
Defense will attack

East Carolina

Last year was horrid
They will be better, no doubt
Will it be enough?

Eastern Michigan

Can count on defense
New guys have to lead offense
Won't bet against Chris

Florida International

Pitbull Stadium
Dale, Michael MacIntyre
Mr. Worldwide Field

Florida

Billy on hot seat
Will not survive this schedule
Five wins incoming

Florida Atlantic

Herman needs some time
This schedule is so easy
Might get them to bowl

Florida State

You think he's the one?
I find that hard to believe
Ten wins, regardless

Fresno State

Tedford just stepped down
That leaves a lot of questions
Roster still legit

Georgia

What are speed limits?
Those don't exist in Athens
Oh well, more titles